Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
