I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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