Your dad touched me again.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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