We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
