i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
