Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
