I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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