New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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