Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
