some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
