I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
babies were throwing up all over the place
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My vagina is officially offended.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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