Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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