what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
