I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
