what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You ruined the universe
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
