if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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