i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
