Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
