My liver just broke up with me...
he thought i was a dude.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
