i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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