you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
