I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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