that's an acceptable place to lick
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
