Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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