you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
