I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
