If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
