Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
