I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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