I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
