Screwed.edu
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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