Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I need to align my fucking chakras
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
