Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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