Fine. I'll sleep in my office
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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