I cannot find my penis.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
