I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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