we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
