if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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