I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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