About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
