im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
