he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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