Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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