So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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