She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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