yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
