You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
