I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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