Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
