Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
