Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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