She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
