You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
