i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
