Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
